Monday, December 11, 2006
PEOPLE ALWAYS LEAVE
why do people always leave? was there something ever written that when you leave, others would be happier? who ever said that one needs to move away to fulfill what he wants? stupid laws of reality.
i AM ALWAYS LEFT OUT.
no one can ever feel the way i'm feeling now. no one can ever feel being so alone. no one can ever feel being so left out. no one can be as stupid as i am. no one can be as selfish as i am.
they say that there's always a rainbow after every rain. why can't i see mine? why do these dark clouds keep blocking my sight? TEARS.
my brother told me that maybe by january, he's gonna leave already. he's gonna work abroad. he's gonna leave me AGAiN. he's gonna leave elisse. he's gonna leave mama. he's gonna leave us. he once left me. and i know how it felt.. how it hurt.. and how it tore me apart. now he's doing it.. AGAiN.
"blanko.. walang laman ang isip ko.."
no matter how hard you explain it to me that he needs to do this, i can't accept the fact that for the second time, he's leaving me again. i love my brother so so soo much.. but he's leaving me and i couldn't take the hurt again.
"love is supposed to make you happy, not stupid."
i'm free. yeah, i'm free.. and i am awfully happy. he [the other he], again, is gone. what am i supposed to feel?!
"let go of the hand of the person you love but never let go of God's hand. for when you hold His hand, He might be holding the person you love on his other hand to let you hold each other.. iN TiME."
in time. when is that time? is that supposed to come? i told him i'll wait even it takes him forever to comeback. but then, there's no assurance. there's a lot to come yet. we don't know what might happen.
yet, the bottom line is, i AM ALONE and WRECKED. and there's nothing that could make me stop from crying.
"nagtapos ang lahat sa di inaasahang panahon at ngayon ako'y iyong iniwang luhaan, sugatan, di mapakinabangan.."
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4:56 PM